I have been trying to write these words for a week or so now and struggling to. Why, you ask? Well I think it may be because I don’t feel that much has happened. At least not in the way I thought it would. You see, I, like many others, place incredibly high expectations on myself. I believed that my business would be in a different place from here it is. I had many hopes and dreams that have not unfolded in the way I had planned meticulously in my mind.
It fills me with a twang of sadness and guilt that I have not achieved the things I thought I would over the past year. Sometimes I feel like I am behind. As though everyone else has got it together and I am the only one who doesn't.
You see, even though I know none of the above is true - I know that I am exactly where I am meant to be, I know everything is unfolding as it is meant to; I have a deep trust that the Universe has my back - I still have doubts. I still have fears. I still berate myself. Much less than I used to but still, I do. When you live in a society where success is external, where money is synonymous with success, it can be near impossible not to succumb to this. And try as I might, sometimes I do.
So let's reframe it. In numerology, I have been on a personal year 6 - a year whose focus is on relationships and community. If I use that as a measure of achievement I would say I have surpassed it. I have let go of friendships that were weighing me down and made space for new friendships that lift me up. I have spent quality time with my loved ones including a road trip with two of my best friends. I got engaged to my best friend after six and a half years together and we recently celebrated our engagement with the most magical party where we watched our two families become one. I have manifested a powerful, supportive and inspirational community of women around me and we champion each other. I have invested in myself and my own healing. I received a scholarship to train with Claire Baker to become a Cycle Coach and I am loving it. I finally met my Guru's in person who have truly changed my life. I have worked one-to-one and in circle with incredible women and held space for them. I could go on.
My business is simply a part of me and what I do - it is not the entirety of me and that's okay. The quote "change the way you look at things and the things you look at change" comes to mind. I am reminded once again of the power of perspective and gratitude. For me, this year has largely been about my internal world and bringing myself back to calm, peace and balance. To me that equals success. That equals happiness. That is everything.
I am excited to see what my 28th year will bring!
With love & gratitude,